David Letterman Grills Paris Hillton Video - Awkward!

This whole video is the reason that I'm so much a bigger fan of David Letterman than Jay Leno. But this isn't about that.

It's about Paris Hilton being a dumb twit. I love it. Actually, my palms are sweating because this is so awkward. I Effing love that DL is getting all Dan Rather or whatever on her.

Basically, what he did was bring her on to talk about her new perfume and then he just talks about her going to prison for about six minutes. I absolutely couldn't kep a straight face.

I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself

I don't know what to do. This isn't a situation, or a conundrum, a vexing problem I've met with.

It's more of a philosophical issue. I just don't know what to do anymore. On the weekends, I get so hyped-up that I have a little extra time to do anything that I want...that I can't figure out what it is that I want to do. I know of some things I should be doing, but nothing which I really, truly want to do.

Well, let me correct that. There are plenty of things that I can think of that I want to do. I want to watch The Transformers Movie. I want to lie around and read. I want to just veg out and watch television. I want to work on the newest novel I'm writing. And on and on and on.

I don't know what it is that is so unsatisfying about being indecisive. If you have any suggestions on how I might rectify this strange bout of whatever it is I'm going through, please be my guest. Sorry if I've bummed you out.

What the F&$K is Halo 3? And Who is Master Chief?

With all of the hoopla surrounding the $170 million in the first day behemoth that is the Halo 3 release, let me be the first to remind you that there are other games out there in the world.

I know you don't believe me, but it's the truth. Just look around, man! This year has been an exciting one for gamers, so I shouldn't have to tell you that...IT ISN'T OVER!



That's right. There are still SO many games to look forward to, you probably shouldn't blow out your 'O-Ring' on you-know-what-game.

After all, Super Mario Galaxy is gonna rock. A new Contra! Street Fighter. Call of Duty 4. The list goes on and on. Nothing against Halo 3 - it deserves the props it gets - but there are plenty of things to be excited about.

So, if you're not into Halo or just don't get why it's so popular, don't be down, little ones. Just watch the video I've bestowed upon you.

Thursdays Are For Couch Potatoes

I found out today that I will not be taking on work as a cat burglar, locksmith, or part-time criminal. It's a long story. Suffice it to say that I really had to use the bathroom.

Just kidding. The file cabinet I needed to get into was locked, and I decided to look up how to pick locks to see if I could do it.

What kind of nerd looks up that nonsense on WikiHow? This guy right here, I guess. Luckily, LP is a lot smarter than I am, and she found the keys before I could ruin the lock or the tools I was using.

Back on topic. Sorry. Today is the day I've been waiting on for about, uh, three to four months. All of my precious Thursday television is back! Wait. No hell it is not. WTF? 30 Rock isn't premiering - is that spelled right? It looks weird - until October 4th. And at 8:30? What the hell is going on with comfort level?

Oh, well. I guess I should be glad that it's coming back at all. The Alec Baldwin daughter bitch-slap and mediocre ratings notwithstanding, I still love 30 Rock. It's like a mischievous relative at whom you just can't stay mad.

Speaking of Thursday night television, LP actually got asked if she had ever heard of The Office - I won't mention names - but I think that's funny. What's even funnier is that the person also said that the ratings will get better now that people like her know about it, because she and her 'sisters' will watch it.

Priceless. Wait. Sorry. I think that joke should go away too. Priceless. How lame. I apologize. I give myself two demerits.

A Nursery Crime

I read a lot - at least a book a week - but I try not to force my reading habits on you. However, in this case, I think I'll have to break my unwritten, unspoken rule.

I am currently reading a book about the murder investigation of the lascivious, alcoholic, womanizing, depressed, dead-broke Humpty Dumpty (no pun intended). PI Jack Spratt is an aging cop, fresh off a missed conviction of the three little pigs on a murder charge - apparently, boiling th Wolf was a bad idea when he came down the chimney. The Gingerbreadman is a serial killer. It's basically a noir version of Shrek, with all the characters you could shake a rhyme at.

I'm about a third of the way through the book, and even though I think that part of it is a little too formulaic, the characters are real enough and interesting, so I'll recommend it to anybody who's a fan of crime fiction.

Clawing to Stand Still

Time just goes by so fast. I want things to slow down a little bit, so I can enjoy life more...on the weekends. And, while weekends fly by, the actual work week seems to drag on for years. I wonder why that is. Hmm. It's almost three times as big - a six to one ration, if you work on Saturday - and that's a shame. So I propose that the weekend now start on Friday. Everybody with me? Okay, here's the plan: Just don't show up on Friday. I've already called and let all of the bosses know. This has got to be a change by the People.

Just kidding. But I'm twenty-five, man. If I can't stop and ponder life every once in awhile, I'll be forty before I know it.

And that's scary, forty being the new twenty or not.

BUM-BA-DUM-BA-DUM-BA-DUM - Go BAMA!

Just kidding. I just felt that I had to rub Bama's node in the piddle a little bit, after what Wallace Gilberry had to say this past week.

I don't know anything about him. But after the game Saturday, I can tell you anything you want to know -- his birthday, his phone number, his home address. I'm serious, because I will know.

I've got to know where to send the flowers.

Flowers, indeed. The only thing that would have made last night's victory even better would be a Wallace Gilberry injury. Or if Matt Stafford could have made him look stupid. A crazy juke during one of his scrambles or something like that.

Wallace Gilberry is a moron. Terrell Owens Lite. And now he looks really stupid, so thank God for that. Like Pat Dye. And he's only given us a reason to have a chip on our shoulder for the rest of the season.

Back to You...Countdown to Cancellation

Well, it's official. The new Kelsey Grammar FOX sitcom, Back to You, about a Pittsburgh television station anchorperson, is really funny. It's really funny, actually, and it's a 'classic'-style sitcom.

And, since it's on FOX, I can't get attached. It might get canceled next week.

Sometimes Having a Pulse Just Isn't Enough

A Professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

~W.H. Auden

I know this shouldn't piss me off, because it doesn't surprise me, but sometimes I just can't help it. I have to be obtuse just to make a point.

How is it that people can actually not remember what year the September 11 attacks happened? I mean, come on, it only happened a few years ago. It's not like it's the 2000 election, of which a lot of people are unsure of the year.

I'm kidding. But seriously, TMZ - that bastion of journalistic integrity - camped outside of a trendy LA night club (those who watch The Hills know which one), asking people if they could name the date of the September 11 attacks.

One girl actually said, "It doesn't matter." Which, the more I think about it, is actually a pretty deep statement.

Isn't the fact that it did happen enough, people? Won't those images forever be burned into our minds? Leave history to the historians, man. What does it prove to stump a dozen or so braindead socialites with such a trival question?

What year did September 11 happen indeed. It's not important. Like Independence Day. When is that? If not for the kick-ass day of drinking and not going to work, would anybody even know when it is? Do they know it anyway? If they don't know it now and wouldn't have known it were it not a national holday, then would the date be important?

Answer: Yeah, to smart people. So who cares when Lincoln was shot or when the bomb was dropped, whatever that even means. If you can get by in life by knowing the names of all of Brangelina's children, then so be it. I mean, fuck, the President doesn't even have to know the difference between Austrians and Australians, and he's the President! Maybe the adoption sagas of celebrities will be great fodder for elections in a couple of decades.

Please kill me now. Paint the walls with my brains.

Cuts Like a Knife

I could be referring to Poison with the above quote, or it could be Bryan Adams, if you remember the song 'Cuts Like a Knife.'

Either way it hurts. I don't necessarily think that the first loss of the season always hurts the most, but you can't tell me right now that this one won't.

The Dawgs lost to South Carolina today - whose mascot is a chicken, if you didn't already know - and it hurts pretty bad, not because we lost, but because we didn't even deserve to win that game.

The Gamecocks played their asses off, and we didn't. Plain and simple. We didn't adjust at halftime; we had some bad play-calling; Steve Spurrier is USC's coach. I could go on and on.

I'm sitting in pajama shorts - ladies behave yourselves, I'm taken - and drinking a Woodstock IPA, just FYI. I didn't even bother to go to the game today. Scalpers make it very difficult to make it to a highly contested game (like the one today) without paying dearly for it.

And, believe me folks, I didn't have the money to play that game. No pun intended. 50$/ticket was the going rate. I figured that, since I'm paying well over a hundred bucks a month for cable, I might as well take advantage of it today.

But yeah, so we've lost to post-Florida Steve Spurrier for the first time. So what. Let's just not make it a yearly thing, and I think I'll be all right.

And there's still hope for us winning the East, if USC loses a few conference games. I'm hoping that the Gators will beat them and we will beat Florida. Then everything will be on a more even keel.

I know that most of you don't care very much about college football, but I do, so I had to have an outlet for my displeasure with the way the game went. The last ten minutes of the game, I was pretty much pacing around the apartment - in my undies - mumbling to myself like Dustin Hoffman from that movie he did with Jerry Maguire.

We need a turnover. Yeah, a pick or a fumble. Why haven't there been any turnovers tonight? A pick or a fumble or an incomplete pass. Any of that will do.

And so on.

Anyway, everybody enjoy the rest of your weekend, and we'll see ya very soon.

I Hate to Use an Olde Expressione, but...

...thank god it's Friday. I've had a not-so-good week, and thankfully it's coming to a close. Friday's are hardly bad, because only assholes are in bad moods on Friday, and I usually only get into bad moods when people around me are in bad moods.

Enough about moods.

But I did get some great news today. Not personal news, but news nonetheless. A bill is - let's cross our fingers - going to pass, resulting in "A Student Loan Overhaul".

I wouldn't go so far as to call it an 'overhaul.' It's an incremental step, at best, and I will accept an incremental step in the right direction any day over a step backward. Companies dealing in student loans have bent students over for long enough, so it's good to have a little equalizing in the matter.

The biggest steps are that the Pell Grant will be raised and the minimum payment for graduates can be no higher than 15% of their income on accrued loans. Which, I think, is a great step. Furthermore, the debt forgiveness provision has been strengthened for people who work in service industries.

And another thing about Student Loans: Go Dawgs. I hope we beat the Cocks tomorrow. The Gamecocks, of course. Tailgating will be fun. If you're not from the South, then I don't think you can be given any idea of what true tailgating is like. I say that not to be exclusionary or snide, but because it's pretty crazy down here. Almost all of Athens shuts down for the day, and nearly every law is conservatively enforced, especially where open containers are concerned.

Besides work and drinking - er, uh, 'tailgating' - there's writing. I'm still editing the first novel. A whole overhaul is going on with 'BloodMuse' - not to be confused with the Student Loan 'overhaul'. I'm over 200 pages in, and I hope that it's not going to be too terribly much longer. Another hundred pages and then this book is DONE! I hope to never see it again until it's in print.

If it ever goes to print. Oh well. If it doesn't, then I'll at least self-publish it, and then all of you can buy it and make me (not)RICH.

Other than talking about student loans and drinking - er, uh, 'tailgating' - and writing, I've been drinking some good beer. Not a lot of beer, but a higher quality beer. Leinenkugel, actually, makes a great Oktoberfest, and I've been addicted to that. I guess I shouldn't use that language with alcohol, but it's pretty tasty.

In fact, I've become a Homer for beers made by Leinenkugel. The Summer Shandy, if you haven't had it, is great. It's a summer ale made with Lemonade. It sounds gross, but it's a really good beer. And cheaper-ish, like 6.99 a six-pack. But you should hurry out to get them, though, because the Summer Shandy and the Oktoberfest are both limited release.

Other than talking about student loans and drinking - er, uh, 'tailgating' - and writing and drinking some good beer, I've been playing Wii. Although, hold on. What's weird is that I've been playing the games I bought for the Virtual Console (i.e. the Intendo Games). Now, even though it's a cool idea, I feel stupid playing Intendo Games on a console LP and I paid over 300 dollars for.

'Castlevania' rocks, though.

Have a good weekend, all. WATCH COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!!

I HATE peta SO MUCH

I hate PETA so very much. Hate is a strong word. I wish I could think of something more harsh, but hate is all I have.

I've never been a big fan of PETA, but now I think I hate Michael Vick even more. You know why? Because Michael Vick has finally made PETA acceptable and has made the organization actually sympathetic.

I liked PETA more when they were an underground organization and broke into places to contaminate food for animals. Or when they adopted animals and then killed them. Oh wait, they still do that.

Bunch of hypocrites. They are the 'anointed' ones, and no matter if you know more than they do, they still pretend that they have dominion over 'their' topic. Like animals. And they don't. Many of those people are so goddamned crazy that they have no idea what they're talking about.

Ingrid Newkirk once compared animal farms to Nazi death camps and actually had the gall to pen a letter to Timothy McVeigh, asking him to 'die a vegan.'

Ingrid Newkirk wants everyone to look beyond the organization's absurd tactics to see what lies beneath it all. Impossible. Granted, I am a dog-owner and I love my pets. But that's it. They're pets. If they ever harmed a human being without provocation, especially a family member or friend, I would be the first to put them down.

Because I love them. And I wouldn't want to remember them as violent.

PETA would have you believe that putting animals down is wrong. Yet the organization has put down over 10000 animals over the last several years. Of course the article I'm using has a fair share of propaganda to it, and I do believe that what Michael Vick did was abhorrent, but I also think that PETA can take no moral high ground here.

PETAns believe that interfering with animals is wrong. HOw much more can you interfere with an animal than to kill it?

"PETA has shamelessly used the horrific Michael Vick case to pad their group’s coffers, even though their track record of slaughtering thousands of helpless, adoptable animals is far more damning,” said CCF Director of Research David Martosko. “Americans need to be aware of how PETA treats animals in their care and reject the group’s overt hypocrisy.”

Documents obtained by the Center for Consumer Freedom from the Virginia State Veterinarian show that between 1998 and 2005 PETA killed more than 14,400 dogs, cats, and other animals.

In addition to the thousands of animals that were killed at their headquarters, two PETA employees in North Carolina admitted to killing dozens of dogs and cats in a roving “death van” and tossing their bodies into a trash dumpster."

Happy Labor Day!

Landing for the Flight of the Conchords

HBO does Sunday night television better than anybody - probably better than all of the 'major' networks put together - yet some shows seem to fall through the cracks.

Flight of the Conchords is one of those shows.

If you haven't been watching Flight of the Conchords on HBO, then you've been completely missing out on a great comedy. Well, I have to admit that it's not for everyone, but if you're a fan of Tenacious D, then you might want to give it a try. It's a 'Life and Times of Rock-n-Rollers' spoof, starring a couple of pseudo-folk-comedy Kiwis in the title roles.

The season finale is next week, so you'd have to catch it pretty fast. Thankfully, a second season has been picked up. I was afraid that the show would befall the same fate as a couple of underrated - and underwatched, obviously - TV shows from HBO's past.

'I don't rap about bitches and hoes; I rap about witches and trolls' is a line from the song they did about the Lord of the Rings. It's not as conceptual as Tenacious D, yet it's not very commercial either.

You may recognize bass player Jermaine from some Outback commercials - even though the pair is from New Zealand, not Australia - but other than that they're fairly green. Jermaine is the 'not as good, mom' guy in the Outback commercials. Well, anyway, it's a cool show. It's set in New York, and people from New York are cool, right?

I was so impressed that I looked up the tab for the songs they do on the show. 'Albi the Racist Dragon' is a personal favorite of mine.

Check out the tab by clicking here.

Sunday Morning Coming Down

The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intentions. Samuel Johnson sort of said that way back in the day, and it's one of my favorite quotes. A) Because my intention was to blog every day and B) because it pretty much kicks ass.

A lot has been going on in my life lately, but I have missed you guys quite a bit. It's good to get on here and vent about my life. And, right now, I can't say that my life completely sucks. It's actually going all right.

Maybe I'm just growing up a little bit, but the little things that used to drive me crazy really don't anymore. I can shrug it off for the most part, it being all of THE LITTLE THINGS, that great entity which has caused so many strokes and heart attacks.

Maybe, and here's just one of my crazy tangents, but just maybe we should study THE LITTLE THINGS and their effect on health. Because I'm almost convinced that it's not necessarily the big things that stress us out, but perhaps the LITTLE THINGS.

Okay, so I've made my point with ALL CAPS, so I'll move on. No, seriously, think about it in terms of a computer analogy. Most people allow a bunch of small files to slowly collect on their computer's hard drive, until the damned thing can't do anything but turn on and shut down. The computer runs all right for awhile, but eventually it goes kersplat.

Computer peeps may not agree with me, but it serves my point, so I'll continue. People spend too much time worrying about getting the oil changed, changing the address for the credit cards when they move, throwing out that container in the fridge that has become so overgrown with mold that you could barely remember what it was in the first place.

Without sounding - or trying to sound - too much like a motivational speaker (I hate those people - sorry if you are one), I'd like to suggest that you 'clear out your hard drive'. Write down every single thing that you can think of which needs to be done. And then do them.

All right. Now that that's out of my system, we can move on. Sorry. I'll be back to blog later on today (hopefully)!

Oxygen Kills

Hey everybody. The pickins on my blogs have been pretty slim lately, so I really should give you something to savor. That I don't really have anything going on is the problem. Nothing really crazy, anyway. I'm still editing the first book and beginning to outline the fourth book. Did I mention that it's going to be a detective novel set in a zombie-ravaged apocalypse? Anyway, who even knows IF I'll get to start it at the rate that I'm editing the first book.

Here's a little taste of the first book, just to let you know that I'm actually writing something and not just lying to your faces:

Today was a Stan Getner day. There were exceptions – a blonde girl in pink pajamas raving about the newest Jack Johnson record, jock broadcast majors taking bets on the first football game, stoners discussing how to roll a really tight joint, a sorority vixen complaining about the difficulty of studying when all she did was party – but for the most part, people discussed Stan Getner. It wasn’t everyday that the star baseball player – in his senior season, no less – got stabbed in a bar parking lot. Peterson University was a mid-sized school, but it was small enough that when something horrific happened, it lingered for several months, sometimes years.

And the student body in the Howard Livingston III dormitory was enthralled with the Stan Getner fiasco. Even though it hadn’t been formally reported in either of the local papers – the city or the student one – the news of Stan Getner’s near death experience was already the stuff of legend.


LP and I played tag inside last night, but it was too easy so had to stop. We went to Wal-Mart right after, and this was at 10 o'clock. Wal-Mart is a creepy place that late, and I'm glad I made it out alive. You do not want any part of that.

Other than that, I've only been working and nothing really else. I hope to have something cool to talk about soon, but I feel so bad for not blogging that I have to post SOMETHING.

Anyway, I've loved the comments. Thanks, everybody. I'll post something awesome later, I promise.

Snozberries Taste Like Jury Trial

I am currently sitting on the floor of the new place, drinking a Leinenkugel, catching up on last night's episode of Big Love.

LP and I are in the new place, and it's wonderful. Once we finally get to unpack the camera, I'll try to put some new pics online. The only think I don't like about our apartment is the wallpaper in the kitchen; it's hideous. I'm sort of afraid to take a picture of it, because I think it might ruin the camera. The large bulbous things on the wall look like snozberries or something.

Other than that, everything is going well. I'm still going to the gym, though because of the move and other obligations, I've not been going as often. Other obligations include: a new job and JURY DUTY.

No, I'm not obligated to sit around and watch a shitty Pauly Shore movie. Wait, no, I'm sorry. That's too simple a joke. Any Pauly Shore joke is too easy, so I apologize. Furthermore, I should not refer to a 'shitty' Pauly Shore movie. It's an oxymoron.

Honestly, though, I've got jury duty and I actually got picked to be on the jury and everything, so that's exciting. I can't talk about the details right now, obviously, but suffice it to say that Michael Vick is a lot taller in person.

Just kidding.

I'm back, is what I'm trying to say, and I hope I never go away.

The Consequences of Being Unprepared

Finally, I have moved into my new place. I still have no cable or internet, but at least I am no longer homeless. There's nothing I would like more than to sit around and blog for about three days straight to catch up and make all of you happy.

However, the cable company has been inundated with people moving out/moving in and can't make it to our place until Sunday morning, between 8-10 am. Then I can check in with you guys. I'm excited. But it's true that LP and I have no cable. We've been watching all of the seasons of Friends for the last few days.

I missed Barry Bond's 756 home run. Damnit. I missed Big Love on Monday. I just generally haven't been in on the world. It's weird. I could go into some sort of meta-existential blog about how strange it is to live in the world and not the technological world, but I have no time. I'm on borrowed time here. I'll get back with you all on Sunday. Love ya.

[No Subject] - Advertising Is Way Out of Hand

Right now, my 70+ lb. German Shepherd is getting her ass kicked by a ten pound cat. What is the world coming to? Seriously, Ona, show us your heritage. It's proud!

(By the way, she's the big white one in the tub)

Anyway, back to subjects with substance. You know, I get so sick and tired of advertising. Seriously. It's everywhere, man. I feel bombarded by it on a daily basis, and there's not a spot in the world that won't be sponsored someday in the future.

Isn't that a scary thought?

This is the Kotex Field of Cowshit in Butte, Montana. Or the Budweiser Electric Chair in EverypartofTexasever, Texas.

And so on and so forth. I wish I could satirize it, but alas I'm not a satirist...yet.

I am angry, however, and that makes for a good read, doesn't it? Advertising sucks. Especially when I'm trying to watch a movie and everything is pushed so nonchalantly, as if to say, "Oh we didn't mean to have this certain goddamn soda can in the middle of the frame."

If you don't think so, remember the movie Spider-Man. When he's in his room and trying to figure out how to be a web-slinger. He tries to pull what from the counter? A Dr. Pepper can.

If you don't believe it's the truth, check out the tie-ins for the movie. Hmmm. Dr. Pep-per. Interesting.

I know I know. It's not that important. But it is. Just think: there are guys out there literally trying to figure out ways to put advertising in every single spot on the earth. And I'm not even joking. The other day at the mall, there was advertising on the f**king elevator. I wish it were just a sci-fi story, but it's the truth.

And it sucks.

The reason I'm spewing venom - not Venom (ha!) - about this is the recent movie, Transformers. Let me qualify what I'm saying by admitting that I did like the movie. A lot. So that's not the problem.

Actually...there is no problem. So what if there was a lot of GM advertisement in the movie? Huh? Wasn't the whole cartoon series one thirty-minute-long goddamned commercial? Isn't that why they killed off Optimus Prime in the original cartoon movie and made me so cynical today? It's a vicious cycle. They killed off Prime to make up new action figures to take his place.

But they can't. They can't replace Optimus Prime. And I spent so much of my childhood wondering why the Goodest of Good Guys - hey, I was six - could get taken away from me in the first ten minutes of the movie, only to never be brought back.

Advertising. Adver-f**king-tising is to blame. It's why I'm the neurotic prick that I am today. Just remember that when you get tired of it too. And it will happen. Oh yes. It will happen.

I Know You Missed Me

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to the Blog, but I just haven't had the TIME!!!! The world is speeding up, and I've got to run just to keep up. The house is a mess, and for once it's not because I'm just too lazy to clean it. I'm gearing up to move, and books and DVDs and boxes of this and that are strewn about, and it's driving me crazy. I don't move for another few weeks, but I can't help but start the process. Every time before now, I've been caught at the last minute trying to move stuff, and it becomes a bungled mess.

The above picture is me. Gross, huh? No, that's not one of my better pics, but it's one of the newer ones. It was taken, not during a cooking competition, but during one of my last bits of beer-making. The brew is done, and it is NOT fantastic! No, it's pretty good, but I think I may have done something slightly wrong, because it has no aftertaste whatsoever. Which is good, I guess, if you don't like beer. Isn't the aftertaste what most people despise?

Also, I guess I should follow-up on the Wii-Talk. Yes, I did get the Wii. I had a lost weekend. I did nothing but play video games, and it was AWESOME! We called it Party Wii-kend - get it - and we drank lots of beer, ate lots of pizza, and played many many hours of Wii. I've already used up the batteries in one of the controllers.

One of the best things about the Wii is that you can download old NES and SNES games and play them. It's great. I no longer have to drudge out my old NES when I want to play Castlevania; I can just play it on my Wii! The only problem is that there are only a few REALLY GREAT games right now. Most of them are ehhh, just all right games. Which is okay. But I'm waiting for Super Mario Bros. 3 to be released. Boy, that brings back memories.

Check out the slideshow of our last beer-making expo. It is below, and it is glorious.

Nintendo Wii - My White Whale

Tonight, I'm huntin' me a Wii. There are hundreds - maybe thousands - of other hunters out there, but I've got my wallet and my F5 button ready.

Holy shit! My bid has just been maxed out. I feel like another cl...Damnit, I didn't even get a chance to finish this sentence before someone outbid me and the auction ended. Goddamnit.



This is a terribly cutthroat business, getting a Wii. I thought there would be enough game for all of us, but I must have been mistaken.

Granted, Nintendo hasn't been up on manufacturing. Hell, maybe they were down on themselves as well on this one. Like, "Well, we're not charging a million bucks for a video game system, so nobody loves us." Mmmmmm.

So I guess I'll just have to bid on another...wait. Wait just a second. I just checked my eBay account, and it said that I had to pay for an item.

Oh, crap! I accidentally won a Nintendo Wii! But wait, that doesn't make any sense. It said that I got outbid on it. It said that I lost. There was a distinct screen in which I was beaten.

*shrugs* Oh well. You know what? I'll take it! Any day of the week, I'll take it. I paid about twenty bucks more than I was willing to pay on it, but I'll definitely accept it. I know I've been trying to get my finances back in order, but I've got the moolah for a Wii. Totally worth it. Totally worth it. Be happy for me guys. I'll be Wii Sportin' it in a few days!

An Update on Life

Working 60-hour weeks doesn't lend itself to blogging, so I haven't been in the blogosphere a lot lately. I can only shrug. It's the way the cookie crook crumbles sometimes.

But I have been participatin in plenty of things lately. First of all, tonight I taste the beer that I made a little under a month ago. It still feels premature, but I'm hoping that it's carbonated enough for me to enjoy (or at least not be embarrassed in front of the friends who helped me make it).

Invariably, the beer in the picture is not my beer. It is only there for emphasis. I wish the beer I made could look like that. It would be a miracle.

So, beyond brewing and working, I'm reading Richard Dawkins's great book, The God Delusion. Relax. I'm not joining the Church of Satan or anything. Religion interests me, and I can't help but be enamored by someone who is so arrogantly anti-religion. It's a natural progression. I went to an extreme place growing up - think people speaking in tongues and going to church four days a week - and it soured on me.

However, I did cringe when he said:

The only difference between The Bible in the Da Vinci Code is that The Bible is ancient fiction and the Da Vinci Code is modern fiction.

Ouch. Right?

In addition, I've been going to the gym pretty much every day, and I like the results. I like them so much that I think I might try to run a half-marathon...in the Fall.

Yeah, I don't have the endurance or the willpower to try to run a full marathon - like a real runner would - but I can try to be half of what I'm supposed to be. I guess.

And if you've ever experienced a summer in Georgia, you'd know why they don't have those things down here then. It would result in murder and lawsuits and all sorts of clandesting activity. The heat down here is just mean!

But I do enjoy jogging - I have my 'outfit' on right now - and today I'm going to try to get to 6 miles. I figure that if I can build my endurance until about October, I should be in good shape for a half-marathon. Or a pretend marathon. Whichever one comes along first. Cheers.

3rd Novel - Done as Dillinger

Well, I've finally done it. The third book is officially in the bag, and I've got to say that I'm really proud of it. It's much better than the second book's first draft - so far as I can tell - and I can't wait to take a look at it in several weeks, once it's had a chance to mellow out.

Tentatively titled The Marquis Man, the book is about a serial killer who torments the city of Atlanta by murdering women in extreme ways and who doesn't count on the fact that a criminal gunman becomes enamored with his latest soon-to-be victim.

It's a cat-and-mouse story, with the two of them playing off each other very well for being such similar people in certain ways. I like it. The second draft, hopefully, will be better.

But I'm one step closer to the dream. And I love it! Thanks for all of your support so far, guys. I really, really, truly appreciate it. Don't give up on me. Now that I'm done, I have more time to read your blogs!

As always, you can read my short fiction by clicking on the banner below to Writers Cafe. I encourage it, but hey, I'm not being pushy.

The Sopranos

Okay, so I hate to make a second blog about the Sopranos in a row - and being as I haven't blogged since last Sunday, it's awful - but I have to.

There's no doubt that the final episode will be good and great (and possibly extremely disappointing, if Tony dies) and anything short of my own death could not keep me from watching the show. I don't think I was even this pumped up about the Seinfeld or Andy Barker, PI series finales.

Just kidding.

'The Sopranos' changed everything for me. I'll never be able to watch t.v. the same way again. And I could go into what has happened in the series - it would take a long f*cking time - but I'm not going to.

I found a video to do it for me! This is a seven minute video explaining the series, up to the beginning of the final season. It's an absolutely fantastic video, well-done and everything. I hope you enjoy it.



It took me watching this video to realize just how much crap goes on in the show. There are so many open ends that may never get resolved. Hell, won't ever get resolved.

And I love that. It's how life goes. Not everything gets resolved in life, especially not in a way that pays off something that happened earlier. Although I kind of wish it would. Would make you think about what you're doing, wouldn't it?

But anyway, tonight's the final episode. Ever. The finality of it sort of makes me sad, the same way that the thought of dying sort of makes me sad. Sort of. Well, you just have to remember: I've invested several years of my life with these 'people'.

As you can see, I don't take my television lightly. I don't want the Sopranos to end. There's so much more that could happen. Hmmm. Maybe not, now that I think of it. Bobby's dead. Sylvio's dead (or dying).

It only begs the question of what is going to happen tonight? The only logical solution, it seems is that Tony should die. Why? Why is it that he should die? It would not necessarily be a full-circle for the man. He's always come out on top, no matter the situation.

Why does it have to be that he dies? Personally, I have a feeling that Pauly will try to kill Tony, because I think he's the turncoat for New York. He's a smug little piece of s**t, and it just seems like something he would do.

What's so great about the show is that it's open-ended. There are so many ways the show could end. It's not leading you in any one direction. God, it's so Good!

'The Sopranos' is more than just a television ending. It's a cultural event. Jeez, man, I'm a nerd!

The Sopranos - One Note Left to Play

Bobby's dead.

Plain and simple. I haven't even had any time to reflect upon it. I don't know what to think. And with just one episode left, it's hard to know what to think.

The show doesn't uplift it's characters. Dying in a train shop. There's not a more uneventful way to die. That's not dramatized. It was just his death and boom, that was it.

Christopher's dead. Syl's in the hospital. Somehow, Pauly's still alive. Who would have thought that?

Anyway, I'm still in shock.

'Knocked Up' is a Great Horror Movie

Anyone who's ever had sex knows that the potential of getting someone pregnant is horrifying. Which is why 'Knocked Up' works in a gallows humor sort of way.

The plot is simple: a guy and a girl meet at a club and get pregnant after having sex...once. Hilarity ensues.

Larry Munson, voice of the Georgia Bulldawgs, who also has his own movie club here in Athens, wonders how 'the people in Hollywood ever came up with such a movie. Twenty years ago, even, they couldn't have done this.' Funny.

Only, 'Knocked Up' isn't some cutesy, what-do-we-do-with-an-unexpected-pregnancy sort of movie. It is and it isn't. The movie has a certain amount of verisimilitude and gut-wrenchingly awkward moments. The laughs are genuine and the angsty parts aren't contrived. That's very hard to find in movies today.

Especially the arguments. They get f*cking brutal. Judd Apatow really has a hold on 'adult' sexual comedies. WHile most movies pander to the lowest common denominator for comic effect, Apatow uses those low-brow moments to reinforce the stronger parts of the movie. He's not pandering, and he chose a great leading man for the movie in Seth Rogen.

The funniest movie this year so far. By far, I'd say. And I'm debating on thinking it funnier than '40 Year Old Virgin'. That, my friends, is a tall order.