'Stiff' Dogs

I'm currently engaged in Mary Roach's wonderful expose on human cadavers, Stiff, and I just found out how dogs are trained to track down dead bodies. No, not through rolling around in it and bringing it home. That seems to just be my beagle, Brodie.

See, when bodies decompose, they emit different types of gases and other horrific scents. One of these is putrescine, the same smell that dead fish give off. Putrescine is a very distinct smell, apparently, and dogs are able to pick it up, even when bodies are submerged in water.

How do they end up training the dogs, you ask.

Well, there are companies that produce bottles of artifical putrescine! Wouldn't you love to work in that office? The dogs are then taught to look for that scent when they play, with simple games like fetch and such.

Also, I learned that car companies use a 'smell meter' to tell if a car has the right amount of new-car-smell or not. If it doesn't, the car doesn't pass snuff, no pun intended.

Save Friday Night Lights - Watch It!

Friday Night Lights has become an obsession for me. It would for you, too, if you watched it. That's right. Don't look away, pretend that it's somebody else who's not watching the show.

America, it's time to buck up. You let me down with Arrested Development and Futurama and, for a few years, Family Guy.

Don't do it with Friday Night Lights, as well. FNL (for those in the know) is NOT about football, so don't pretend that it's beneath you. I tried that for a season, and it didn't work. The show drew me in regardless of how much I fought.

This may be coming at a bad time, with the strike and all, but luckily for you the first season is out on DVD. I promise that if you go out and buy it (in the sad ocurrance that you don't have Netflix) you will not be disappointed.

Friday Night Lights. Fridays at 9 on NBC.

Sick Of It All, Or Just Sick

So I've been on Death's doorstep for the last few days, but he (or she) won't let me in. Bummer. I'd almost rather be dead than feel as sick as I do right now. Blech.

Anyway, I've been up to nothing but work and reading and writing and video games for the last few days. It's like that episode of Doug where he gets the really cool video game system and has a lost weekend. You know?



Except the game that I've been playing is Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock. And it is HARD! Well, I should say EXPERT!!! I've made it to the last batch of songs, and let me tell you, it is nothing to smirk at.

I've given you a video for some other schmoe trying to beat the song that is kicking my ass. Slayer's Raining Blood. Not a joke. Not even funny. There's not even words to describe how hard that song is.

I would say that I'm proud to have made it this far on expert, but I'm not. I only want to beat the game, and that's going to take at least another week, maybe two. I refuse to give up.

Oh, I also bought Super Mario Galaxy for Wii but I haven't played it enough to have an opinion. LP has, and she loves it. In fact, she's screaming at it for being so hard right now. Peace.

Living on the Edge

The only reason that I've named this post as it is is because it's the song playing on the radio right now, and I don't have any way to tie it to anything happening in my life at the moment.

So there it is. I won't even include the lyrics, because they're pretty self-explanatory, and do you want me thinking that mid-90s Aerosmith can be insightful in any facet? It's the same decade in which they released the Armageddon theme song. I dare not even speak its name.

It's a gameday in Athens - the Auburn game - and I'm stuck at work, though it's oddly liberating. Lots of attractive people are flowing in and out of my place of business, many of them hilariously drunk (and some of them not), though half of them are merely using the bathroom, which is not so attractive.

Neither is monotonous talk about Gamma Phie Beta, and I'd almost rather imagine them micterating or defacating than hear them actually talking. Sorry.

Either way, I'm sort of coming to the realization that my twenties will be remembered as the time when I wrote a bunch of bad crime novels and worked and drank a lot, and that seems just fine. I don't know that I've reconciled myself with it, but I'm getting there.

Patting myself on the back is a pastime I am allowed from time to time, since I've done nothing extremely important or productive with my life. Technically, even though I'm a college graduate, I'm still a blue collar guy and I may never get out of that, either, unless manage to get back to school and make something of myself.

Have a good Saturday. Go Dawgs.

Pimping the Other Blogs - Don't Hate Me

Adjectives on the typewriter
He moves his words like a prize fighter
The frenzied pace of the mind inside the cell
~Cake
Shadow Stabbing

I write a lot during the week, so I don't get to blog as often as I would like. I'm currently working on the fourth novel and editing the third novel, both of which I'll probably release on the web for free under the Creative Commons Copyright.

But just because I don't post to JP every day doesn't mean that I DON'T blog. I've got several at this point, and if you like, you can just click on My Profile or whatever and that will let you know what other blogs I've got going.

I especially like 'Videos Too Heavy to Hold'. It's a collection of heavy metal videos I've found on YouTube that take me back to my headbanging teenage years.

Also, there's Macabre on the Web, which is just an amalgamation of evil things that interest me. Docs on Serial Killers, Satanism, the Occult, ghosts, that sort of thing.

But if you get a chance, check them out and drop a comment to let me know you stopped by. Thanks!

To find out more about Creative Commons, click here. Basically, it's copyright protection for people putting out 'free' media.

Tebow-a Constrictor

Now who
Alone I'm thinking
why is superman dead
is it in my head
we'll just laugh instead
worry about the weather and
whether or not you should hate
~Our Lady Peace
Superman's Dead

I actually tried to find a really corny picture of Tim Tebow to emasculate him, but this one was just too much. I couldn't help myself. That girl seems to have such personality.

Either way, the Dawgs really handed it to the Florida Gators this weekend. First time since 2002, and it couldn't have been sweeter.

NO ONE - and I almost mean it literally - picked the UGA Bulldogs to win the game this past weekend. Now we're back in the race to win the SEC East. With some luck - a Tennessee loss and a win against Kentucky and Auburn - there is a great possibility that it will happen.

But you know how those things go.

Sorry I haven't been posting the past week, but I had a break from work, and I chose to spend it in a way that is NOT sitting in front of a computer screen. Well, I did work on the newest novel, but that doesn't count.

What did I do? I had an Oreo Brownie from Starbucks - awesome! - and I drank a beer called 'Old Chub' (it's Scottish). Not at the same time, though. That would have been just gross.

I got to hang out with my buddy Johnny and his ferocious cat Conan (pronounce CO-nan, like the warrior, not the talk show host) and listen to old rap songs that I did when I was in college.

LP and I laid around yesterday and read and I played the new Guitar Hero. I actually stood in line to go pick it up, so my nerd quotient is raging right now. Furthermore, I've already almost beaten the game.

Give me a break, though. There was no Falcons game yesterday. And, if it makes it any better, it's going to take me quite a while to beat the game. Metallica's 'One' and Slayer's 'Raining Blood' are two of the last songs. Just thinking about those songs makes my forearms ache.

Go Dawgs. 2 SEC games to go.

Insomniac

Drunks and losers,
Dwarves with limps,
Flos and ho's and one-eyed pimps -
Down the alleyway they creep.
They're all your friends when you can't sleep.

Come with me and you will see.
A late-night-freak-show-Jubilee!
Kick the Sandman in his sack;
Stay up late - Insomniac!
~Dave Atell

I can't sleep. I haven't been sleeping well a lot lately, and I don't know why that is. But here I am. I haven't updated in several days and I guess this will have to pass for a blog posting.

Oh, but here's something I'd like to bitch about. While I'm here and everything. You know what I hate? People who go through the 10 items or less line in the grocery store with a cart load of stuff.

And it's not even the fact that they go through with it, even though it's a travesty to everyone but the person directly involved, but the way in which they go through with it, pretending as if they don't have fourteen boxes of Jell-O and multiple cans of tuna fish and gravy and every damn thing imaginable stuffed into the cart like inmates in a prison.

I wouldn't have even thought about it, but it happened tonight while in line at Publix. Urgh.

Anyway, that's about all in the life and times of Jinx Protocol. Oh, but it's going to be a short week. That's another great thing about this week, is that I've already mailed it in, it feels like.

You see, the week of the Georgia-Florida weekend is a big deal. The game has to be played in a 'neutral' spot, though anyone from Athens can tell you that six hours away in Jacksonville is hardly neutral, so to prevent every single football fan from flunking out of school, the University of Georgia closes down for two days - Thursday and Friday - so people can load up and go down to Jacksonville.

And they call it Fall Break. It's genius. For those out of the realm of understanding, they also call the tailgating in Jacksonville 'The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party', and it pretty much is. The Presidents of both schools play down the phrase, but it's the one which has stuck and anybody who's anybody calls it that. Or TWLOCP for short.

Now, I have to work Thursday, but Friday's a freebie. Which is awesome! If there are no students in town, then it's almost pointless for me to work.

Don't forget: Kickoff of the GA-FL game is 3:30 on Saturday. Go Dawgs!

'Can' You Dig It?

You want to come down to the underground
Old school - here's a shovel can you dig it fool
Can you dig it (we can dig it)
Can y'all dig it (we can dig it)
~Tag Team
Whoomp! There it is

While just perusing the internet yesterday, I found an interesting article about canned 'goods.' I'm in a punn-y mood today, so I want to call them canned 'bads.' Basically, Wired composed a list of the most interesting canned goods online. Most of them come from other countries, so maybe I'm being a little culinarily-xenophobic - maybe! - but these foods just do not look appetizing at all.

Because, I'm here to tell you folks, you really don't want to eat any of the things on the list at Wired.com The picture on the right should just about tell you everything you need to know about it. Surströmming. That's what the pickled, canned, rotting herring dish is called. Blech.

And it gets worse (I think). But I don't want to ruin it, so go check it out for yourself. You'll get a laugh out of it and maybe gross-out some of your friends.

Texas Flood (Please Come to Georgia)

Well there's floodin' down in texas
all of the telephone lines are down
Well there's floodin' down in texas
all of the telephone lines are down
And I've been tryin to call my baby
lord and I cant get a single sound
~Stevie Ray Vaughan
Texas Flood

I know it's not typical of me, but I'm going to have to get into a little bit of reality here. We've got a problem. If you don't live in Georgia, then you may not even know about what's going on down here.

And that's okay. But it's dire. We are experiencing the worst drought in over 100 years - You can read an article about it here - and Athens, GA (my town) is considering closing down the University of Georgia after Thanksgiving to combat the horrible conditions down here.

That may not sound like an extreme measure, but consider the consequences. If UGA decides to give final exams early - before the Thanksgiving holiday - then it may well lose its accreditation status. A University must maintain a certain number of hours of studay per credit hour to keep that precious status.

The other solution is just as unsavory. Should the university wait to give exams in January, when the students would purportedly return, then not only would it throw off the entire semester schedule, most of the morons - ahem, students - attending UGA would have forgotten everything, causing mass hysteria, I'm sure.

They're even considering canceling Bulldawgs home games. And THAT, my friends, is a big deal to the people who live here. Not the drought itself - that, they think, would pass - but the loss of college football.

I don't know. Maybe that would spur people to actually care about what's going on right now. This almost answers that question: What do you love more, the Bulldawgs or your very own livelihood? Hmm. I love college football, but I also love water and my job, which depends on students being in classes, so I'd say that whatever it takes to get the situation back under control is what they should do.

I mean, college football would probably go away well AFTER school and government down here, I'm sure, but if it does, I'll just have to hole up until this whole thing blows over.

PS: if you have any water to spare, America, please send it down here to us.

Evolution Debunked - Finally!

Well, I've been waiting for a conclusive answer to all those scientific theories of evolution. Thank Jehosephat I finally found it! In ten minutes a thirten year old kid proves what no scientist in the last hundred and fifty years has been able to do. Prove that evolution is bullshit.



Okay, all kidding aside, this video is as hilarious as it is completely and utterly untrue. I hope you enjoy it, Avid Reader, because I picked it out just for you. Our existence and knowledge of being has nothing to do with a set of long, protracted evolutionary steps. It was a talking snake in a tree. Come on, people!

Mondays are Fundays for Sundaes

Hit you with funk, it's like, Who cut the provolone?
Government officials put a tax on my mobile phone.
~Blackalicious
Paragraph President

Well, despite the fact that this weekend sucked - don't even ask me about the thing we used to call Georgia Football - the week is starting off all right. I mean, the Falcons are terrible and the Braves dropped a clunker this year, so everyting feels like normal in my world.

Mondays are usually crappy, full of just bad will toward the fact that I have a five-day workweek, but this Monday is just fine, thanks.

LP took the GRE today and got back part of her score today. The verdict? She kicked the hell out of it, and I'm glad. I knew she could do it, and now so does she. It's great, because I think she'll be able to get into UGA's History Ed program for the Spring. Congrats, LP.

My day has been going well because work hasn't sucked, and the day is almost over. Fan-effing-tastic.

Tonight's TV is good - I can't wait for Chuck and I'm working on beating one evil XBox game. It's called 'The Suffering: Ties That Bind', and even though it's a few years old, it's still a pretty entertaining game.

Sadly, it's one of the few urban games out there, too. I hate using the 'U' word as a euphemism for black, but that's just what it's become, I guess. I don't remember when Urban became synonymous with black, but believe me if I could change it I would.

Either way, 'The Suffering' is awesome. I don't know what it's about, really, but you are an escaped prisoner who can transform into a demon and fight off other demons in this post-apocalyptic 'urban' landscape. Think Doom-meets-GTA. Very bloody, very disturbing - LP won't even come in the bedroom while I'm playing it - and extremely fun.

I'm just glad that I'm getting back into video games. For a while, I thought I had unintentionally outgrown them. Which is weird, considering just how much of a child I truly am. Thankfully, I can maintain a semblance of my childiness without seeming weird.

Keep the XBox Away From My Wrists...

I should not be allowed anywhere near NCAA Football, I've decided. Last night, after finally deciding to watch Friday Night Lights during a BRAVO marathon, I popped in my nearly-two-year-old version of college football - which has Matt Leinert and Mario Williams and Vince Young - and proceeded to have a conniption fit with my new dynasty.

I'll pretend that you give a crap about my fake-football-world and expound on why I was so touchy. LP gave up on my mood and went to bed, if that's any indication.

I started a dynasty with the Maine Bears. Stop laughing. It's the truth. I thought that spending several years building up a program that was never that special in the first place would be a nice change from being UGA or USC or any other team that can obliterate just about anybody on the field.

Boy, was I wrong. I found last night that I like winning too much to have any compassion for a bunch of bums who couldn't make it at the other, bigger, more flashy schools.

So I did what any self-respecting gamer would do: I cheated. During the game you can change from one team to the other, if you don't mind losing the 'Campus Challenge' points, which I have never cared for much in the first place. I did exactly that, taking my 'opposing' team back to the one yard line and downing it through four downs so that the Mighty Maine Black Bears could take over and score easily, becasue otherwise I would have gone completely and utterly winless in my first season.

It may sound great to you to manipulate a fake game for rigged results, but I have to be honest. It is completely and mind-numbingly boring. After the first quarter, I almost gave up coaching altogether. If I'd had the power, I probably would have just abandoned the football program and opened a laser tag club squad in its stead.

Rather, I persevered, glutton for punishment that I am, and spent the next three hours doing the same thing for two more games. Jesus, I'm so exhausted today. I feel as thought I have actually played a football game, pads and all.

So, to reward myself for my hard-fought - wink wink - victories last night, today I'm merely going to lie on the couch and watch real college footbal while drinking the remainder of my Sam Adams Octoberfests.

Cheers.

Up-Chucked and Down with Dirty Money

I've been talking about television a lot more than I probably would like on this blog, but so many new shows have come out that I'm picking up - thanks, LP. And, as per usual, I can't keep my opinions to myself.

None of the shows premiering this go-round are classic, but some of them are entertaining and others merely watchable. Still others I refuse to even scroll by on my TiVo because I think I might hurl.

'Dirty Sexy Money' is anything but. It's a pretty cool show, despite the crappy, crappy, craptastic name. The family involved is named Darling, so I think 'Darling Money', even, would be a better title for the show than 'Dirty Sexy Money.' The name, particularly, is why I didn't want to watch the show initially.

However, it's sort of a half-assed Arrested Development that's slightly more serious and less self-referential. Think AD mixed with any number of bland NBC hour-long dramas. I give it a perhaps-you-should-give-it-a-shot-but-by-no-means-am-I-endorsing-it vote.

'Reaper' is interesting, even though it's on the CW. I most certainly wouldn't have watched it had Kevin Smith not been involved. Again, I was surprised to find that it was genuinely funny in some parts and intense in others. I wasn't in love with it, but I think it has potential to be a pretty good show.

'Chuck' may be the most intriguing of them all, 'Back to You' notwithstanding (See my post). I don't know how long the shtick can keep up, but I've really liked the first two episodes. The second was a little more action and less nerd than I would have liked, but overall it was okay.

Granted, I'm just getting back into watching television, and I watch about 400 percent of what I used to, so I'm having trouble keeping all of the other parts of my life in check. But I think it might be worth it, if some of these shows pay off in the end.

'Desperate Housewives' seems better than last season, which - I thought - was atrocious. It's still not as intriguing as the first season - the writers haven't given Mike DelFino his balls back - but some pretty cool things are happening. SECRETS are back, and I don't know how they forgot about that with the third season.

'How I Met Your Mother' is still, by far, my favorite sitcom. Countdown to Slap-Bet is Effing genius, and I hope it pays off this season. 'Nuff Said. If you haven't watched the show, do. It's great. Unless you suck. Then it's not for you.

I haven't watched the first episode of 'Dexter' this season yet, but I'm severely looking forward to it. 'The Office' and 'My Name is Earl' were classic - think Michael Scott's final moment in the episode - and '30 Rock' looks to be hilarious. Thank God it's back.

sorry this post was so long.

David Letterman Grills Paris Hillton Video - Awkward!

This whole video is the reason that I'm so much a bigger fan of David Letterman than Jay Leno. But this isn't about that.

It's about Paris Hilton being a dumb twit. I love it. Actually, my palms are sweating because this is so awkward. I Effing love that DL is getting all Dan Rather or whatever on her.

Basically, what he did was bring her on to talk about her new perfume and then he just talks about her going to prison for about six minutes. I absolutely couldn't kep a straight face.

I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself

I don't know what to do. This isn't a situation, or a conundrum, a vexing problem I've met with.

It's more of a philosophical issue. I just don't know what to do anymore. On the weekends, I get so hyped-up that I have a little extra time to do anything that I want...that I can't figure out what it is that I want to do. I know of some things I should be doing, but nothing which I really, truly want to do.

Well, let me correct that. There are plenty of things that I can think of that I want to do. I want to watch The Transformers Movie. I want to lie around and read. I want to just veg out and watch television. I want to work on the newest novel I'm writing. And on and on and on.

I don't know what it is that is so unsatisfying about being indecisive. If you have any suggestions on how I might rectify this strange bout of whatever it is I'm going through, please be my guest. Sorry if I've bummed you out.

What the F&$K is Halo 3? And Who is Master Chief?

With all of the hoopla surrounding the $170 million in the first day behemoth that is the Halo 3 release, let me be the first to remind you that there are other games out there in the world.

I know you don't believe me, but it's the truth. Just look around, man! This year has been an exciting one for gamers, so I shouldn't have to tell you that...IT ISN'T OVER!



That's right. There are still SO many games to look forward to, you probably shouldn't blow out your 'O-Ring' on you-know-what-game.

After all, Super Mario Galaxy is gonna rock. A new Contra! Street Fighter. Call of Duty 4. The list goes on and on. Nothing against Halo 3 - it deserves the props it gets - but there are plenty of things to be excited about.

So, if you're not into Halo or just don't get why it's so popular, don't be down, little ones. Just watch the video I've bestowed upon you.

Thursdays Are For Couch Potatoes

I found out today that I will not be taking on work as a cat burglar, locksmith, or part-time criminal. It's a long story. Suffice it to say that I really had to use the bathroom.

Just kidding. The file cabinet I needed to get into was locked, and I decided to look up how to pick locks to see if I could do it.

What kind of nerd looks up that nonsense on WikiHow? This guy right here, I guess. Luckily, LP is a lot smarter than I am, and she found the keys before I could ruin the lock or the tools I was using.

Back on topic. Sorry. Today is the day I've been waiting on for about, uh, three to four months. All of my precious Thursday television is back! Wait. No hell it is not. WTF? 30 Rock isn't premiering - is that spelled right? It looks weird - until October 4th. And at 8:30? What the hell is going on with comfort level?

Oh, well. I guess I should be glad that it's coming back at all. The Alec Baldwin daughter bitch-slap and mediocre ratings notwithstanding, I still love 30 Rock. It's like a mischievous relative at whom you just can't stay mad.

Speaking of Thursday night television, LP actually got asked if she had ever heard of The Office - I won't mention names - but I think that's funny. What's even funnier is that the person also said that the ratings will get better now that people like her know about it, because she and her 'sisters' will watch it.

Priceless. Wait. Sorry. I think that joke should go away too. Priceless. How lame. I apologize. I give myself two demerits.

A Nursery Crime

I read a lot - at least a book a week - but I try not to force my reading habits on you. However, in this case, I think I'll have to break my unwritten, unspoken rule.

I am currently reading a book about the murder investigation of the lascivious, alcoholic, womanizing, depressed, dead-broke Humpty Dumpty (no pun intended). PI Jack Spratt is an aging cop, fresh off a missed conviction of the three little pigs on a murder charge - apparently, boiling th Wolf was a bad idea when he came down the chimney. The Gingerbreadman is a serial killer. It's basically a noir version of Shrek, with all the characters you could shake a rhyme at.

I'm about a third of the way through the book, and even though I think that part of it is a little too formulaic, the characters are real enough and interesting, so I'll recommend it to anybody who's a fan of crime fiction.

Clawing to Stand Still

Time just goes by so fast. I want things to slow down a little bit, so I can enjoy life more...on the weekends. And, while weekends fly by, the actual work week seems to drag on for years. I wonder why that is. Hmm. It's almost three times as big - a six to one ration, if you work on Saturday - and that's a shame. So I propose that the weekend now start on Friday. Everybody with me? Okay, here's the plan: Just don't show up on Friday. I've already called and let all of the bosses know. This has got to be a change by the People.

Just kidding. But I'm twenty-five, man. If I can't stop and ponder life every once in awhile, I'll be forty before I know it.

And that's scary, forty being the new twenty or not.

BUM-BA-DUM-BA-DUM-BA-DUM - Go BAMA!

Just kidding. I just felt that I had to rub Bama's node in the piddle a little bit, after what Wallace Gilberry had to say this past week.

I don't know anything about him. But after the game Saturday, I can tell you anything you want to know -- his birthday, his phone number, his home address. I'm serious, because I will know.

I've got to know where to send the flowers.

Flowers, indeed. The only thing that would have made last night's victory even better would be a Wallace Gilberry injury. Or if Matt Stafford could have made him look stupid. A crazy juke during one of his scrambles or something like that.

Wallace Gilberry is a moron. Terrell Owens Lite. And now he looks really stupid, so thank God for that. Like Pat Dye. And he's only given us a reason to have a chip on our shoulder for the rest of the season.

Back to You...Countdown to Cancellation

Well, it's official. The new Kelsey Grammar FOX sitcom, Back to You, about a Pittsburgh television station anchorperson, is really funny. It's really funny, actually, and it's a 'classic'-style sitcom.

And, since it's on FOX, I can't get attached. It might get canceled next week.

Sometimes Having a Pulse Just Isn't Enough

A Professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

~W.H. Auden

I know this shouldn't piss me off, because it doesn't surprise me, but sometimes I just can't help it. I have to be obtuse just to make a point.

How is it that people can actually not remember what year the September 11 attacks happened? I mean, come on, it only happened a few years ago. It's not like it's the 2000 election, of which a lot of people are unsure of the year.

I'm kidding. But seriously, TMZ - that bastion of journalistic integrity - camped outside of a trendy LA night club (those who watch The Hills know which one), asking people if they could name the date of the September 11 attacks.

One girl actually said, "It doesn't matter." Which, the more I think about it, is actually a pretty deep statement.

Isn't the fact that it did happen enough, people? Won't those images forever be burned into our minds? Leave history to the historians, man. What does it prove to stump a dozen or so braindead socialites with such a trival question?

What year did September 11 happen indeed. It's not important. Like Independence Day. When is that? If not for the kick-ass day of drinking and not going to work, would anybody even know when it is? Do they know it anyway? If they don't know it now and wouldn't have known it were it not a national holday, then would the date be important?

Answer: Yeah, to smart people. So who cares when Lincoln was shot or when the bomb was dropped, whatever that even means. If you can get by in life by knowing the names of all of Brangelina's children, then so be it. I mean, fuck, the President doesn't even have to know the difference between Austrians and Australians, and he's the President! Maybe the adoption sagas of celebrities will be great fodder for elections in a couple of decades.

Please kill me now. Paint the walls with my brains.

Cuts Like a Knife

I could be referring to Poison with the above quote, or it could be Bryan Adams, if you remember the song 'Cuts Like a Knife.'

Either way it hurts. I don't necessarily think that the first loss of the season always hurts the most, but you can't tell me right now that this one won't.

The Dawgs lost to South Carolina today - whose mascot is a chicken, if you didn't already know - and it hurts pretty bad, not because we lost, but because we didn't even deserve to win that game.

The Gamecocks played their asses off, and we didn't. Plain and simple. We didn't adjust at halftime; we had some bad play-calling; Steve Spurrier is USC's coach. I could go on and on.

I'm sitting in pajama shorts - ladies behave yourselves, I'm taken - and drinking a Woodstock IPA, just FYI. I didn't even bother to go to the game today. Scalpers make it very difficult to make it to a highly contested game (like the one today) without paying dearly for it.

And, believe me folks, I didn't have the money to play that game. No pun intended. 50$/ticket was the going rate. I figured that, since I'm paying well over a hundred bucks a month for cable, I might as well take advantage of it today.

But yeah, so we've lost to post-Florida Steve Spurrier for the first time. So what. Let's just not make it a yearly thing, and I think I'll be all right.

And there's still hope for us winning the East, if USC loses a few conference games. I'm hoping that the Gators will beat them and we will beat Florida. Then everything will be on a more even keel.

I know that most of you don't care very much about college football, but I do, so I had to have an outlet for my displeasure with the way the game went. The last ten minutes of the game, I was pretty much pacing around the apartment - in my undies - mumbling to myself like Dustin Hoffman from that movie he did with Jerry Maguire.

We need a turnover. Yeah, a pick or a fumble. Why haven't there been any turnovers tonight? A pick or a fumble or an incomplete pass. Any of that will do.

And so on.

Anyway, everybody enjoy the rest of your weekend, and we'll see ya very soon.

I Hate to Use an Olde Expressione, but...

...thank god it's Friday. I've had a not-so-good week, and thankfully it's coming to a close. Friday's are hardly bad, because only assholes are in bad moods on Friday, and I usually only get into bad moods when people around me are in bad moods.

Enough about moods.

But I did get some great news today. Not personal news, but news nonetheless. A bill is - let's cross our fingers - going to pass, resulting in "A Student Loan Overhaul".

I wouldn't go so far as to call it an 'overhaul.' It's an incremental step, at best, and I will accept an incremental step in the right direction any day over a step backward. Companies dealing in student loans have bent students over for long enough, so it's good to have a little equalizing in the matter.

The biggest steps are that the Pell Grant will be raised and the minimum payment for graduates can be no higher than 15% of their income on accrued loans. Which, I think, is a great step. Furthermore, the debt forgiveness provision has been strengthened for people who work in service industries.

And another thing about Student Loans: Go Dawgs. I hope we beat the Cocks tomorrow. The Gamecocks, of course. Tailgating will be fun. If you're not from the South, then I don't think you can be given any idea of what true tailgating is like. I say that not to be exclusionary or snide, but because it's pretty crazy down here. Almost all of Athens shuts down for the day, and nearly every law is conservatively enforced, especially where open containers are concerned.

Besides work and drinking - er, uh, 'tailgating' - there's writing. I'm still editing the first novel. A whole overhaul is going on with 'BloodMuse' - not to be confused with the Student Loan 'overhaul'. I'm over 200 pages in, and I hope that it's not going to be too terribly much longer. Another hundred pages and then this book is DONE! I hope to never see it again until it's in print.

If it ever goes to print. Oh well. If it doesn't, then I'll at least self-publish it, and then all of you can buy it and make me (not)RICH.

Other than talking about student loans and drinking - er, uh, 'tailgating' - and writing, I've been drinking some good beer. Not a lot of beer, but a higher quality beer. Leinenkugel, actually, makes a great Oktoberfest, and I've been addicted to that. I guess I shouldn't use that language with alcohol, but it's pretty tasty.

In fact, I've become a Homer for beers made by Leinenkugel. The Summer Shandy, if you haven't had it, is great. It's a summer ale made with Lemonade. It sounds gross, but it's a really good beer. And cheaper-ish, like 6.99 a six-pack. But you should hurry out to get them, though, because the Summer Shandy and the Oktoberfest are both limited release.

Other than talking about student loans and drinking - er, uh, 'tailgating' - and writing and drinking some good beer, I've been playing Wii. Although, hold on. What's weird is that I've been playing the games I bought for the Virtual Console (i.e. the Intendo Games). Now, even though it's a cool idea, I feel stupid playing Intendo Games on a console LP and I paid over 300 dollars for.

'Castlevania' rocks, though.

Have a good weekend, all. WATCH COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!!

I HATE peta SO MUCH

I hate PETA so very much. Hate is a strong word. I wish I could think of something more harsh, but hate is all I have.

I've never been a big fan of PETA, but now I think I hate Michael Vick even more. You know why? Because Michael Vick has finally made PETA acceptable and has made the organization actually sympathetic.

I liked PETA more when they were an underground organization and broke into places to contaminate food for animals. Or when they adopted animals and then killed them. Oh wait, they still do that.

Bunch of hypocrites. They are the 'anointed' ones, and no matter if you know more than they do, they still pretend that they have dominion over 'their' topic. Like animals. And they don't. Many of those people are so goddamned crazy that they have no idea what they're talking about.

Ingrid Newkirk once compared animal farms to Nazi death camps and actually had the gall to pen a letter to Timothy McVeigh, asking him to 'die a vegan.'

Ingrid Newkirk wants everyone to look beyond the organization's absurd tactics to see what lies beneath it all. Impossible. Granted, I am a dog-owner and I love my pets. But that's it. They're pets. If they ever harmed a human being without provocation, especially a family member or friend, I would be the first to put them down.

Because I love them. And I wouldn't want to remember them as violent.

PETA would have you believe that putting animals down is wrong. Yet the organization has put down over 10000 animals over the last several years. Of course the article I'm using has a fair share of propaganda to it, and I do believe that what Michael Vick did was abhorrent, but I also think that PETA can take no moral high ground here.

PETAns believe that interfering with animals is wrong. HOw much more can you interfere with an animal than to kill it?

"PETA has shamelessly used the horrific Michael Vick case to pad their group’s coffers, even though their track record of slaughtering thousands of helpless, adoptable animals is far more damning,” said CCF Director of Research David Martosko. “Americans need to be aware of how PETA treats animals in their care and reject the group’s overt hypocrisy.”

Documents obtained by the Center for Consumer Freedom from the Virginia State Veterinarian show that between 1998 and 2005 PETA killed more than 14,400 dogs, cats, and other animals.

In addition to the thousands of animals that were killed at their headquarters, two PETA employees in North Carolina admitted to killing dozens of dogs and cats in a roving “death van” and tossing their bodies into a trash dumpster."

Happy Labor Day!