It's like Bill Hicks said:
I don't understand anything, so there you go … you know what my problem is? I watch too much news, man. That's my problem, that's why I'm so depressed all the time. I figured it out. I watch too much CNN, man. I don't know if you've ever sat around and watched CNN more than, I don't know, 20 hours in one day … I don't recommend that. Watch CNN Headline News for 1 hour, it's the most depressing thing you'll ever fucking do. "WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS, HOMELESS, RECESSION, DEPRESSION. WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS, HOMELESS …" Then, you look out your window … [makes cricket noises] Where's all this shit happening? Ted Turner's making this shit up! Jane Fonda won't sleep with him, he runs to a typewriter: "'By 1992, we will all die of AIDS.' Read that on the air. I don't get laid, no one gets laid!" I'm writing Jane Fonda: "Will you fuck this guy so we can get some good news, please?" I want to see a well-laid Ted Turner newscast: "Hey, it's all going to work out. Here's sports."
I mean, I'm as scared as anyone that this administration is going to amble right into some kind of nuclear holocaust, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms altogether. It's almost disheartening to know that my fear may be for nothing whatsoever, you know what I mean? I'm not being cute either. The morons in Washington are so worried about one pedophile who likes adolescent boys that they're ignoring the overseas threats, or what I once thought was threats.
It may all just be one hell of an Orson Welles impression we're getting these days. And, by the way, if Foley had really wanted to sleep with little guys he would have flown to Thailand. You don't need e-mail to get underage, confused boys to have sex with you there. Hmmm, maybe somebody should check his junkets - that's not in his pants - to see if he's had any trips overseas.
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