My Struggle

All right...It's about time I told you guys a horrible little secret about myself. Now, it's probably not as esoteric a thing as you might think. I'm not a junkie and I only worship Satan in my spare time. I don't crave chocolate and pickles so I know I'm not pregnant. Here goes:

I love Horror movies.

Yep. There, I said it. Now, I feel much better.

But there's a certain trend in the industry - but when is there not a trend in the industry - right now involving horror movies. Dawn of the Dead, The Fog, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror, etc. And tonight I find out that Day of the Dead and The Crazies are now involved in this conspiracy.

I'm talking about remakes.

Yep, directors who don't feel like they up the ante on the classics are just flat out remaking them. I know I should be furious, being as I'm a purist and all, but really think about it.

You have to be as least as creative to remake a George Romero classic as to write and direct a masterpiece like Island of Frankenstein. The remakes used to be the bane of my existence, but I've come to realize what they really are: cheap imitations. And many of them suck. But I would rather watch the remake of Dawn of the Dead a million times than Saw one more time.

The guys(and girls, I suppose) who made Saw are no more creative than the people who remade The Amityville Horror. If you think so, did you actually even see the movie? I think it's kind of enjoyful to sit through a few remakes. There really isn't very much good popular American horror going on right now, but that is in my most humble of estimations. The Japanese have done some amazing things in the past few years. But, I caution you, if you actually dug Saw, you probably won't like some of the stuff I'm going to mention.

That gets to my next point, which completely contradicts what I said above in this column. Americans have no business remaking Japanese horror for American markets. The Japanese flicks are moody, long, and drawn-out, much like the horror movies of yore. The Japanese perhaps do not uphold the contemporary American filmmaking philosophy, which consists of fast cuts, fast action, and no story whatsoever. American remakes pale in comparison. Yet again, I would rather watch the American version of The Ring than Saw any day, but I digress.

I guess my main point is that I really dislike Saw and any movie just like it. So, don't watch Saw or any other movie I don't like. Or that you don't like. . .Unless I like it, then you should watch it.