Bywater Body Found

Because I've kept you abreast of what happened in the Cayle Bywater disappearance, I feel it is my obligation to let you know also that her body has finally been found.

The coroner's autopsy has also found that no foul play was involved, as it was an apparent drowning at Memorial Park Lake in Athens, GA off Gran Ellen Drive.

Although she is dead, there is perhaps solace to be found in the fact that it was not due to someone else's actions that she has died, as was the case with the other disappearance in North Georgia earlier this month.

According to an online blog - FindCayle.Blogspot.com - there will be a service at Memorial Park in Athens on Saturday, January 20. Friendly dogs (on leashes) are invited as well.

Also, for possible donations, the site has the following contact information:

The family appreciates any donations to assist with the memorial services for Cayle. Thank You. If you prefer to send a check please make payable to: Cayle Bywater Relief Fund, 3780 Mansell Road, Suite 450, Alpharetta, Georgia 30022 The Cayle Bywater Relief Fund is a non-profit organization and in process of filing for 501(c)(3) tax exemption status.

Update on Missing Person

It is odd to have two pretty high-profile-and unrelated-missing persons cases in North Georgia within a few days of each other, I must say.

A few things have come to light in the last few days. The woman in question, Cayle Bywater, was last seen at nearby Memorial Park on December 29 and has been found to be in the background of a picture taken that same day at 4 pm (Source).

Also, Bywater suffers from bipolar disorder, though the police and the girl's family believe it had nothing to do with her disappearance. A pair of eyeglasses that match the pair Bywater was known to have worn was found at Memorial Park this morning (Source).

She was last seen looking for her dog at Memorial Park. The above-mentioned picture confirms that the dog was in her possession as of 4 pm on the day of her disappearance. A thorough search of the Park's premises turned up nothing, and bloodhounds used to track the scent stopped in front of her residence, which is where they think an abduction may have taken place (Source).

So far, this is all that I know. It's the sort of thing that just sort of happens every once in a while in Athens. Something inexplicable happens. I just hope they can find the girl before something-anything-happens.

The New Year

All right. Screw the end of the year list I was thinking of doing. I'm sorry. I just got caught up in that palatable nonsense and thought it would be important if I did my own EOTYear List.

It's not important. It's not important at all.

What I do need to talk about in this blog is important and - if I may channel Tyra Banks for a moment - has something/somewhat to do with me.

And a missing woman.

I'm not joking.

Last year - actually, for two years - I lived in a duplex on South Milledge Avenue in Athens. My half was 2002 S. Milledge. The other half was 2004 S. Milledge.

On December 30, 2007, the woman who lived in the 2004 part disappeared. Her wallet phone, keys, and dog were found at the house (the dog was running loose), and the door to the unfinished basement was open.

Now, this is a creepy occurrence, and yet it makes it all the more creepy that I lived next door. Now, the fact that I moved out nearly six months before this took place will not stop me from co-opting the oddity of the story.

This sort of thing doesn't happen that often in Athens, GA, I can tell you that.

You can read an updated story on the disappearance here, by clicking on this sentence.

I'll try to keep you updated.

2007: In Review

I read many, many magazines every week/month/whathaveyou, and every one of them has paraded around 'The Year in Review'. What a self-absorbed idea. We're going to spend an entire issue telling you what you should have been doing all along this year, and it's going to cost you an issue off your subscription. Double whammy!

So, that being said, here's my top stuff of 2007 (Don't you dare say I'm not self-absorbed):

The 3 Best Movies of 2007 (That I Happened to See):

1. No Country for Old Men - Coen Brothers in classic form. As good as Fargo and as creepy as Blood Simple. A thinking man's crime flick, though, so if your knuckles ever bleed from dragging on the ground, then don't go see this movie.

2. Grindhouse (DeathProof/Planet Terror) - An experiment that both worked and didn't. The movie itself is a schlocky achievement, a throwback to 70s exploitation cinema, but it did none too well at the box office.

3. Superbad - A movie for every guy in high school who would kill to have something similar happen to him. Period. And it uses curse words a lot. Thank God. PG-13 sex comedies are the pits, man.

My 3 Favorite Novels of 2007 (Even though they didn't come out this year):
I was sort of too broke to buy a lot of books which came out this year, so I'll cull together the best 3 I read this calender year.

1. Child of God - Cormac McCarthy
This guy is brilliant. Child of God is about a guy who lives in the mountains and only comes down to kill people and then molest them. It's harrowing and a damn short read. Run to the bookstore if necrophiliac southerners appeal to you.

2. The Girl Next Door - Jack Ketchum
Easily the most disturbing book I've ever read, about a group of boys who torture a girl in their neighborhood. But, as I've said before, Jack Ketchum is the most underrated pop horror talent in the world.

3. Florence of Arabia - Christopher Buckley
No fiction novel captures the essence of the Middle East and our situation so effortlessly. I read the book in a single day. It's very, very difficult to put down.

The Best/Worst Presidential Soundbyte of 2007:

"I'm pretty sure there will be duck-hunting in heaven and I can't wait!"
-Republican hopeful Mike Huckabee. He also has said that we wouldn't have an immigration problem if abortion were illegal. Hmmm. Zany!

"You know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran? Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran."
-I'm not sure if he's even running for president anymore, but John McCain sure does have oddly short arms!

"We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."
-Hillary Clinton, just before being told what Communism really means.

To Be Continued...

Coens & Tommy Lee Jones Discussing 'Genre Westerns'

I'm not a jingoistic sort of fellow. I don't jump on the 'America Rules the World' bandwagon very often, but after seeing this documentary, I have to admit that I felt an amount of pride for my home country.

'Air Guitar Nation' follows the exploits of the first American - C-Diddy, respectively - to be allowed to enter the World Air Guitar Championships.

You probably think that I'm being facetious, but I'm not. Even though Rock Music was invented in the US, The World Championships takes place in Oulu, Finland, and the other countries remain hostile to the newest contender for the title throughout the documentary.

The tension of the film builds to a pretty finger-biting conclusion on the world stage (no pun intended), as C-Diddy performs his signature tune for the 5,000 Finnish viewers. You will question it. Will he win? What happens if he doesn't? Does that mean that we're a joke? Is there something that we're not good at, and will losing it reveal that we're not really good at anything?

And so on and so forth.

C-Diddy even has a web site with a Cafe Press shop, where you can buy t-shirts and Such. I'm tempted.

Is George W. Bush Made of Teflon?

The latest scandal involving The White House has me wondering, Is there anything that will stick to This President? Or this Administration? Or anyone in this Administration (Scooter Libby excluded)?

I cribbed the above quote from the stand-up of David Cross (A) because it's so true and because - even more alarmingly - (B) it was spoken years ago, before the appearance of the majority of these scandals.

Plamegate, and now, Waterboarding-Gate (which I'll even admit is a tad too cute and glib for its own good) calls into question whether or not the President even gives a crap that laws are (allegedly) being smashed into little pieces. And, as hot as Dana Perino is, she's no good at covering up all of the clandestine shit they've involved themselves in.

But enough about that. I'll have to now turn on the Dems for a moment. Democrats, you can't go around scolding Rudy Giuliani for doing something that, ostensibly, Bill Clinton did a decade ago. The only difference is that Rudy Giuliani at least had the common courtesy to give his mistress a cool ride home on the government's dime.

Ghosts N Ghoblins - And the Falcons Suck!

This is the game I just got in the Nintendo Wii Virtual Console (along with the impossibly hard TMNT game, just so you know), and it's kicking my ass. I used to be so good at this game when I was, like, eight. What happened to me?



Also, the Falcons just lost another game. No surprise there, I guess. Thank God it's the first game they've lost in awhile. I'm so glad we have Michael Vick to shoulder the team when it's down, and he'll be carrying us to the playoffs. What a great investment he was.

GREed

Sorry the blog has fallen into abeyance lately. My alacrity for composing my thoughts has waned. Becoming an apostate has not helped - I think I've apprised you enough as it is on the state of my (lack of) religious beliefs.

So perhaps it is that I've becoming ascetic about my prospect of becoming a world-renowned blogger. But let's not obviate the existence of my blog. I think it's worthwhile. You can be oppobrious if you like, but don't be overweening or else I'll...

Oh well, that is just enough, I think. You get the idea. I'm studying for the GRE, so my life has become a worthless amalgamatino of strewn-together moments bordering sometimes on coherence.

I thought I'd (not) entertain you by displaying some of the new words I've learned through my studies. I've really, truly got to study. The test costs $150 bucks, so I've got to make that first time worthwhile.

I won't take the venerable test until late January or early February, so hopefully I'll be good and prepared by then. My goal is to make a 600-650 on the verbal section (I'd be at the 85th percentile in the nation) and a 500 on the math section (not so much).

I think I can accomplish that. Just so you know, I'll be pursuing a Master's in English Education and will (hopefully) be teaching in two years. Cross your fingers.

Other than that, I'm about ten to fifteen pages away from finishing the fourth novel, a sort of Southern Crime novel about two brothers fighting off a rich man's mob to preserve the ownership of the land their father has recently bequeathed to them. Not too shabby, huh?

And, as soon as I finish that one, I think I'll either (A) take a break for the rest of the year or (B) jumpt headlong into the fifth novel. I guess you can probably guess what I'll be doing. I've written three novels already this year. If I can bang out half of another one, it'll be all the better.

No Country For Old Men - Next Day Impressions

I have to say, a lot of people were disappointed with the ending to 'No Country for Old Men' last night. Mostly, they were younger guys - or at least younger than I - who wanted a very typical ending to the movie.

Without revealing too much, I will say that the ending is probably not what you expect, but what you should expect from the tone of the movie and the snarkiness of the Coen Brothers as filmmakers.

LP liked it the more she thought about it, and I absolutely loved it. One half of our friend Bendy liked the movie, also.

It's bloody and full of darkly unsettling MOOD. It's great. It's at least the best movie the Coens have made since Fargo, which is saying a lot. I think that it's sort of a mixture of Blood Simple, Miller's Crossing, and (only because of the setting) Raising Arizona. Ethan and Joel Coen do the Southwest so well, and No Country is no exception. Roger Deakins's Cinematography is brilliant, especially (but not limited to) the scene in the hotel. (Once you see it, you'll know exactly what is meant by that)

I want to go see the movie again, because I feel I'll have a more even-keeled viewpoint of it. It definitely has potential for an Oscar, but it is not a movie for the masses, I'll admit. There are times when the normal filmgoer will be angered. No Country for Old Men is a thinking man's (or woman's) movie, and not a formulaic crime noir, as some might have thought. You'll definitely be surprised. With the ending, most certainly, but with the beginning and middle, too. The movie is - I won't say slow - deliberate in its pacing, and older patrons will probably enjoy it more, if they can handle the blood and cursing.

I loved it. Great movie.

Arrested Development...Out on Bail?

News of a possibled - keep your fingers crossed - 'Arrested Development' movie has got me sad. :(

Why? you ask. I should be excited, right? I mean, what would be better than a one-off movie of one of my favorite sitcoms?

"The 'Arrested Development' movie is not dead, au contraire," the dearly deceased show's star, Bateman, told us Monday. "[Over the weekend I had] a little phone call, just catching up, a little reaching out and touching."

See, my problem lies in the fact that I would want the series to keep on going. The movie would be great, but I would want there to be a Family Guy-type ressurection.

And that would just crush me, if it weren't to happen.

Still, I can't deny that an AD movie would be awesome. I just hope Michael Cera hasn't gotten too big to do it. Jason Batement, meanwhile, has been lobbying for the opportunity to ressurrect the always great show.

"[During the strike] you're allowed to write things you're not being paid to do," Bateman explained, revealing almost as much as a never-nude. "I'm trying to talk [Hurwitz] into writing the 'Arrested Development' movie. And he could be coming around."

[No Subject] - But There's Football!

What in the hell is going to happen with the National Title Game? As most of you (who watch college football) know, last night confirmed what everyone has been talking about for the last thirteen weeks or so: It is one crazy college football season.

It is a very curious situation we're in right now. We, being the imperial we, the college football world, of course.

I thought that everyone sort of figured that Oklahoma would beat Mizz. They've had a great season and all, but a #1 Missouri team just didn't seem right. And Bob Stoops and Oklahoma have been to the dance more than once.

So seeing the Missouri go down was no big deal.

No one - and I mean NO ONE - picked Pitt to beat West Virginia. The days leading up to Saturday, you could almost hear the analysts breathe a collective sigh of relief regarding the fate of the biggest and last game of the year.

Ohio State versus West Virginia. Not a great match-up - at least not a dream match-up - but a great venue for two superb teams to play each other for the title. Certainly, it seemed as though the WV story would be interesting.

And would Ohio State bounce back, after last year's embarrassing loss to Florida.

...Well, it didn't exactly play out like that. Pitt pulled off a near-miracle, stunning West Virginia with a 13-9 slobberknocker that ended with a safety.

So now what?

Number three Ohio State, in all likelihood, will move up to number one to play in the BCS National Title Game.

But who is number 2?

Georgia, ostensibly, if you were to go with trends. One of the biggest obstacles to them getting to the game is the fact that they did not win the conference. Hmmm. But didn't the voters pick them to be number 4 behind WV, Mizz, and OSU even when they knew UGA wouldn't win the conference?

Last year, Michigan didn't win the Big 10, and people complained that they weren't given a shot in the national title game. So I think winning the conference is overrated.

But we also saw how that game turned out, as well.

I'm a Homer for UGA - I would like to see them play in a National Title Game - but I also see why it should be an Ohio State/LSU game, or maybe USC/Ohio State. I don't see somebody like Oklahoma jumping UGA, but the other two teams seem to make sense for the title game.

The big soiree to showcase the combatants in the final game of the season will air tonight on ESPN.

'Stiff' Dogs

I'm currently engaged in Mary Roach's wonderful expose on human cadavers, Stiff, and I just found out how dogs are trained to track down dead bodies. No, not through rolling around in it and bringing it home. That seems to just be my beagle, Brodie.

See, when bodies decompose, they emit different types of gases and other horrific scents. One of these is putrescine, the same smell that dead fish give off. Putrescine is a very distinct smell, apparently, and dogs are able to pick it up, even when bodies are submerged in water.

How do they end up training the dogs, you ask.

Well, there are companies that produce bottles of artifical putrescine! Wouldn't you love to work in that office? The dogs are then taught to look for that scent when they play, with simple games like fetch and such.

Also, I learned that car companies use a 'smell meter' to tell if a car has the right amount of new-car-smell or not. If it doesn't, the car doesn't pass snuff, no pun intended.

Save Friday Night Lights - Watch It!

Friday Night Lights has become an obsession for me. It would for you, too, if you watched it. That's right. Don't look away, pretend that it's somebody else who's not watching the show.

America, it's time to buck up. You let me down with Arrested Development and Futurama and, for a few years, Family Guy.

Don't do it with Friday Night Lights, as well. FNL (for those in the know) is NOT about football, so don't pretend that it's beneath you. I tried that for a season, and it didn't work. The show drew me in regardless of how much I fought.

This may be coming at a bad time, with the strike and all, but luckily for you the first season is out on DVD. I promise that if you go out and buy it (in the sad ocurrance that you don't have Netflix) you will not be disappointed.

Friday Night Lights. Fridays at 9 on NBC.

Sick Of It All, Or Just Sick

So I've been on Death's doorstep for the last few days, but he (or she) won't let me in. Bummer. I'd almost rather be dead than feel as sick as I do right now. Blech.

Anyway, I've been up to nothing but work and reading and writing and video games for the last few days. It's like that episode of Doug where he gets the really cool video game system and has a lost weekend. You know?



Except the game that I've been playing is Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock. And it is HARD! Well, I should say EXPERT!!! I've made it to the last batch of songs, and let me tell you, it is nothing to smirk at.

I've given you a video for some other schmoe trying to beat the song that is kicking my ass. Slayer's Raining Blood. Not a joke. Not even funny. There's not even words to describe how hard that song is.

I would say that I'm proud to have made it this far on expert, but I'm not. I only want to beat the game, and that's going to take at least another week, maybe two. I refuse to give up.

Oh, I also bought Super Mario Galaxy for Wii but I haven't played it enough to have an opinion. LP has, and she loves it. In fact, she's screaming at it for being so hard right now. Peace.

Living on the Edge

The only reason that I've named this post as it is is because it's the song playing on the radio right now, and I don't have any way to tie it to anything happening in my life at the moment.

So there it is. I won't even include the lyrics, because they're pretty self-explanatory, and do you want me thinking that mid-90s Aerosmith can be insightful in any facet? It's the same decade in which they released the Armageddon theme song. I dare not even speak its name.

It's a gameday in Athens - the Auburn game - and I'm stuck at work, though it's oddly liberating. Lots of attractive people are flowing in and out of my place of business, many of them hilariously drunk (and some of them not), though half of them are merely using the bathroom, which is not so attractive.

Neither is monotonous talk about Gamma Phie Beta, and I'd almost rather imagine them micterating or defacating than hear them actually talking. Sorry.

Either way, I'm sort of coming to the realization that my twenties will be remembered as the time when I wrote a bunch of bad crime novels and worked and drank a lot, and that seems just fine. I don't know that I've reconciled myself with it, but I'm getting there.

Patting myself on the back is a pastime I am allowed from time to time, since I've done nothing extremely important or productive with my life. Technically, even though I'm a college graduate, I'm still a blue collar guy and I may never get out of that, either, unless manage to get back to school and make something of myself.

Have a good Saturday. Go Dawgs.

Pimping the Other Blogs - Don't Hate Me

Adjectives on the typewriter
He moves his words like a prize fighter
The frenzied pace of the mind inside the cell
~Cake
Shadow Stabbing

I write a lot during the week, so I don't get to blog as often as I would like. I'm currently working on the fourth novel and editing the third novel, both of which I'll probably release on the web for free under the Creative Commons Copyright.

But just because I don't post to JP every day doesn't mean that I DON'T blog. I've got several at this point, and if you like, you can just click on My Profile or whatever and that will let you know what other blogs I've got going.

I especially like 'Videos Too Heavy to Hold'. It's a collection of heavy metal videos I've found on YouTube that take me back to my headbanging teenage years.

Also, there's Macabre on the Web, which is just an amalgamation of evil things that interest me. Docs on Serial Killers, Satanism, the Occult, ghosts, that sort of thing.

But if you get a chance, check them out and drop a comment to let me know you stopped by. Thanks!

To find out more about Creative Commons, click here. Basically, it's copyright protection for people putting out 'free' media.

Tebow-a Constrictor

Now who
Alone I'm thinking
why is superman dead
is it in my head
we'll just laugh instead
worry about the weather and
whether or not you should hate
~Our Lady Peace
Superman's Dead

I actually tried to find a really corny picture of Tim Tebow to emasculate him, but this one was just too much. I couldn't help myself. That girl seems to have such personality.

Either way, the Dawgs really handed it to the Florida Gators this weekend. First time since 2002, and it couldn't have been sweeter.

NO ONE - and I almost mean it literally - picked the UGA Bulldogs to win the game this past weekend. Now we're back in the race to win the SEC East. With some luck - a Tennessee loss and a win against Kentucky and Auburn - there is a great possibility that it will happen.

But you know how those things go.

Sorry I haven't been posting the past week, but I had a break from work, and I chose to spend it in a way that is NOT sitting in front of a computer screen. Well, I did work on the newest novel, but that doesn't count.

What did I do? I had an Oreo Brownie from Starbucks - awesome! - and I drank a beer called 'Old Chub' (it's Scottish). Not at the same time, though. That would have been just gross.

I got to hang out with my buddy Johnny and his ferocious cat Conan (pronounce CO-nan, like the warrior, not the talk show host) and listen to old rap songs that I did when I was in college.

LP and I laid around yesterday and read and I played the new Guitar Hero. I actually stood in line to go pick it up, so my nerd quotient is raging right now. Furthermore, I've already almost beaten the game.

Give me a break, though. There was no Falcons game yesterday. And, if it makes it any better, it's going to take me quite a while to beat the game. Metallica's 'One' and Slayer's 'Raining Blood' are two of the last songs. Just thinking about those songs makes my forearms ache.

Go Dawgs. 2 SEC games to go.

Insomniac

Drunks and losers,
Dwarves with limps,
Flos and ho's and one-eyed pimps -
Down the alleyway they creep.
They're all your friends when you can't sleep.

Come with me and you will see.
A late-night-freak-show-Jubilee!
Kick the Sandman in his sack;
Stay up late - Insomniac!
~Dave Atell

I can't sleep. I haven't been sleeping well a lot lately, and I don't know why that is. But here I am. I haven't updated in several days and I guess this will have to pass for a blog posting.

Oh, but here's something I'd like to bitch about. While I'm here and everything. You know what I hate? People who go through the 10 items or less line in the grocery store with a cart load of stuff.

And it's not even the fact that they go through with it, even though it's a travesty to everyone but the person directly involved, but the way in which they go through with it, pretending as if they don't have fourteen boxes of Jell-O and multiple cans of tuna fish and gravy and every damn thing imaginable stuffed into the cart like inmates in a prison.

I wouldn't have even thought about it, but it happened tonight while in line at Publix. Urgh.

Anyway, that's about all in the life and times of Jinx Protocol. Oh, but it's going to be a short week. That's another great thing about this week, is that I've already mailed it in, it feels like.

You see, the week of the Georgia-Florida weekend is a big deal. The game has to be played in a 'neutral' spot, though anyone from Athens can tell you that six hours away in Jacksonville is hardly neutral, so to prevent every single football fan from flunking out of school, the University of Georgia closes down for two days - Thursday and Friday - so people can load up and go down to Jacksonville.

And they call it Fall Break. It's genius. For those out of the realm of understanding, they also call the tailgating in Jacksonville 'The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party', and it pretty much is. The Presidents of both schools play down the phrase, but it's the one which has stuck and anybody who's anybody calls it that. Or TWLOCP for short.

Now, I have to work Thursday, but Friday's a freebie. Which is awesome! If there are no students in town, then it's almost pointless for me to work.

Don't forget: Kickoff of the GA-FL game is 3:30 on Saturday. Go Dawgs!

'Can' You Dig It?

You want to come down to the underground
Old school - here's a shovel can you dig it fool
Can you dig it (we can dig it)
Can y'all dig it (we can dig it)
~Tag Team
Whoomp! There it is

While just perusing the internet yesterday, I found an interesting article about canned 'goods.' I'm in a punn-y mood today, so I want to call them canned 'bads.' Basically, Wired composed a list of the most interesting canned goods online. Most of them come from other countries, so maybe I'm being a little culinarily-xenophobic - maybe! - but these foods just do not look appetizing at all.

Because, I'm here to tell you folks, you really don't want to eat any of the things on the list at Wired.com The picture on the right should just about tell you everything you need to know about it. Surströmming. That's what the pickled, canned, rotting herring dish is called. Blech.

And it gets worse (I think). But I don't want to ruin it, so go check it out for yourself. You'll get a laugh out of it and maybe gross-out some of your friends.

Texas Flood (Please Come to Georgia)

Well there's floodin' down in texas
all of the telephone lines are down
Well there's floodin' down in texas
all of the telephone lines are down
And I've been tryin to call my baby
lord and I cant get a single sound
~Stevie Ray Vaughan
Texas Flood

I know it's not typical of me, but I'm going to have to get into a little bit of reality here. We've got a problem. If you don't live in Georgia, then you may not even know about what's going on down here.

And that's okay. But it's dire. We are experiencing the worst drought in over 100 years - You can read an article about it here - and Athens, GA (my town) is considering closing down the University of Georgia after Thanksgiving to combat the horrible conditions down here.

That may not sound like an extreme measure, but consider the consequences. If UGA decides to give final exams early - before the Thanksgiving holiday - then it may well lose its accreditation status. A University must maintain a certain number of hours of studay per credit hour to keep that precious status.

The other solution is just as unsavory. Should the university wait to give exams in January, when the students would purportedly return, then not only would it throw off the entire semester schedule, most of the morons - ahem, students - attending UGA would have forgotten everything, causing mass hysteria, I'm sure.

They're even considering canceling Bulldawgs home games. And THAT, my friends, is a big deal to the people who live here. Not the drought itself - that, they think, would pass - but the loss of college football.

I don't know. Maybe that would spur people to actually care about what's going on right now. This almost answers that question: What do you love more, the Bulldawgs or your very own livelihood? Hmm. I love college football, but I also love water and my job, which depends on students being in classes, so I'd say that whatever it takes to get the situation back under control is what they should do.

I mean, college football would probably go away well AFTER school and government down here, I'm sure, but if it does, I'll just have to hole up until this whole thing blows over.

PS: if you have any water to spare, America, please send it down here to us.

Evolution Debunked - Finally!

Well, I've been waiting for a conclusive answer to all those scientific theories of evolution. Thank Jehosephat I finally found it! In ten minutes a thirten year old kid proves what no scientist in the last hundred and fifty years has been able to do. Prove that evolution is bullshit.



Okay, all kidding aside, this video is as hilarious as it is completely and utterly untrue. I hope you enjoy it, Avid Reader, because I picked it out just for you. Our existence and knowledge of being has nothing to do with a set of long, protracted evolutionary steps. It was a talking snake in a tree. Come on, people!

Mondays are Fundays for Sundaes

Hit you with funk, it's like, Who cut the provolone?
Government officials put a tax on my mobile phone.
~Blackalicious
Paragraph President

Well, despite the fact that this weekend sucked - don't even ask me about the thing we used to call Georgia Football - the week is starting off all right. I mean, the Falcons are terrible and the Braves dropped a clunker this year, so everyting feels like normal in my world.

Mondays are usually crappy, full of just bad will toward the fact that I have a five-day workweek, but this Monday is just fine, thanks.

LP took the GRE today and got back part of her score today. The verdict? She kicked the hell out of it, and I'm glad. I knew she could do it, and now so does she. It's great, because I think she'll be able to get into UGA's History Ed program for the Spring. Congrats, LP.

My day has been going well because work hasn't sucked, and the day is almost over. Fan-effing-tastic.

Tonight's TV is good - I can't wait for Chuck and I'm working on beating one evil XBox game. It's called 'The Suffering: Ties That Bind', and even though it's a few years old, it's still a pretty entertaining game.

Sadly, it's one of the few urban games out there, too. I hate using the 'U' word as a euphemism for black, but that's just what it's become, I guess. I don't remember when Urban became synonymous with black, but believe me if I could change it I would.

Either way, 'The Suffering' is awesome. I don't know what it's about, really, but you are an escaped prisoner who can transform into a demon and fight off other demons in this post-apocalyptic 'urban' landscape. Think Doom-meets-GTA. Very bloody, very disturbing - LP won't even come in the bedroom while I'm playing it - and extremely fun.

I'm just glad that I'm getting back into video games. For a while, I thought I had unintentionally outgrown them. Which is weird, considering just how much of a child I truly am. Thankfully, I can maintain a semblance of my childiness without seeming weird.

Keep the XBox Away From My Wrists...

I should not be allowed anywhere near NCAA Football, I've decided. Last night, after finally deciding to watch Friday Night Lights during a BRAVO marathon, I popped in my nearly-two-year-old version of college football - which has Matt Leinert and Mario Williams and Vince Young - and proceeded to have a conniption fit with my new dynasty.

I'll pretend that you give a crap about my fake-football-world and expound on why I was so touchy. LP gave up on my mood and went to bed, if that's any indication.

I started a dynasty with the Maine Bears. Stop laughing. It's the truth. I thought that spending several years building up a program that was never that special in the first place would be a nice change from being UGA or USC or any other team that can obliterate just about anybody on the field.

Boy, was I wrong. I found last night that I like winning too much to have any compassion for a bunch of bums who couldn't make it at the other, bigger, more flashy schools.

So I did what any self-respecting gamer would do: I cheated. During the game you can change from one team to the other, if you don't mind losing the 'Campus Challenge' points, which I have never cared for much in the first place. I did exactly that, taking my 'opposing' team back to the one yard line and downing it through four downs so that the Mighty Maine Black Bears could take over and score easily, becasue otherwise I would have gone completely and utterly winless in my first season.

It may sound great to you to manipulate a fake game for rigged results, but I have to be honest. It is completely and mind-numbingly boring. After the first quarter, I almost gave up coaching altogether. If I'd had the power, I probably would have just abandoned the football program and opened a laser tag club squad in its stead.

Rather, I persevered, glutton for punishment that I am, and spent the next three hours doing the same thing for two more games. Jesus, I'm so exhausted today. I feel as thought I have actually played a football game, pads and all.

So, to reward myself for my hard-fought - wink wink - victories last night, today I'm merely going to lie on the couch and watch real college footbal while drinking the remainder of my Sam Adams Octoberfests.

Cheers.

Up-Chucked and Down with Dirty Money

I've been talking about television a lot more than I probably would like on this blog, but so many new shows have come out that I'm picking up - thanks, LP. And, as per usual, I can't keep my opinions to myself.

None of the shows premiering this go-round are classic, but some of them are entertaining and others merely watchable. Still others I refuse to even scroll by on my TiVo because I think I might hurl.

'Dirty Sexy Money' is anything but. It's a pretty cool show, despite the crappy, crappy, craptastic name. The family involved is named Darling, so I think 'Darling Money', even, would be a better title for the show than 'Dirty Sexy Money.' The name, particularly, is why I didn't want to watch the show initially.

However, it's sort of a half-assed Arrested Development that's slightly more serious and less self-referential. Think AD mixed with any number of bland NBC hour-long dramas. I give it a perhaps-you-should-give-it-a-shot-but-by-no-means-am-I-endorsing-it vote.

'Reaper' is interesting, even though it's on the CW. I most certainly wouldn't have watched it had Kevin Smith not been involved. Again, I was surprised to find that it was genuinely funny in some parts and intense in others. I wasn't in love with it, but I think it has potential to be a pretty good show.

'Chuck' may be the most intriguing of them all, 'Back to You' notwithstanding (See my post). I don't know how long the shtick can keep up, but I've really liked the first two episodes. The second was a little more action and less nerd than I would have liked, but overall it was okay.

Granted, I'm just getting back into watching television, and I watch about 400 percent of what I used to, so I'm having trouble keeping all of the other parts of my life in check. But I think it might be worth it, if some of these shows pay off in the end.

'Desperate Housewives' seems better than last season, which - I thought - was atrocious. It's still not as intriguing as the first season - the writers haven't given Mike DelFino his balls back - but some pretty cool things are happening. SECRETS are back, and I don't know how they forgot about that with the third season.

'How I Met Your Mother' is still, by far, my favorite sitcom. Countdown to Slap-Bet is Effing genius, and I hope it pays off this season. 'Nuff Said. If you haven't watched the show, do. It's great. Unless you suck. Then it's not for you.

I haven't watched the first episode of 'Dexter' this season yet, but I'm severely looking forward to it. 'The Office' and 'My Name is Earl' were classic - think Michael Scott's final moment in the episode - and '30 Rock' looks to be hilarious. Thank God it's back.

sorry this post was so long.