Keep the XBox Away From My Wrists...

I should not be allowed anywhere near NCAA Football, I've decided. Last night, after finally deciding to watch Friday Night Lights during a BRAVO marathon, I popped in my nearly-two-year-old version of college football - which has Matt Leinert and Mario Williams and Vince Young - and proceeded to have a conniption fit with my new dynasty.

I'll pretend that you give a crap about my fake-football-world and expound on why I was so touchy. LP gave up on my mood and went to bed, if that's any indication.

I started a dynasty with the Maine Bears. Stop laughing. It's the truth. I thought that spending several years building up a program that was never that special in the first place would be a nice change from being UGA or USC or any other team that can obliterate just about anybody on the field.

Boy, was I wrong. I found last night that I like winning too much to have any compassion for a bunch of bums who couldn't make it at the other, bigger, more flashy schools.

So I did what any self-respecting gamer would do: I cheated. During the game you can change from one team to the other, if you don't mind losing the 'Campus Challenge' points, which I have never cared for much in the first place. I did exactly that, taking my 'opposing' team back to the one yard line and downing it through four downs so that the Mighty Maine Black Bears could take over and score easily, becasue otherwise I would have gone completely and utterly winless in my first season.

It may sound great to you to manipulate a fake game for rigged results, but I have to be honest. It is completely and mind-numbingly boring. After the first quarter, I almost gave up coaching altogether. If I'd had the power, I probably would have just abandoned the football program and opened a laser tag club squad in its stead.

Rather, I persevered, glutton for punishment that I am, and spent the next three hours doing the same thing for two more games. Jesus, I'm so exhausted today. I feel as thought I have actually played a football game, pads and all.

So, to reward myself for my hard-fought - wink wink - victories last night, today I'm merely going to lie on the couch and watch real college footbal while drinking the remainder of my Sam Adams Octoberfests.

Cheers.